


Peter Parker's Very Bad Not Good Plan

by coocoocachu



Category: Fantastic Four, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Johnny Storm is a good Boyfriend, M/M, Peter Parker is an idiot, Sort Of, but we love him anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 16:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12729978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coocoocachu/pseuds/coocoocachu
Summary: “He can never know!”  Peter said firmly.  MJ sighed from the couch she was lounging on in her robe.  Gwen groaned in frustration and pulled at her hair to keep herself from punching Peter.  He was bleeding after all.“You’re such a drama queen Peter.”“I’m having a crisis MJ!”_______________Peter needs to stop Johnny from figuring out Peter Parker is Spider-Man and goes about it all wrong.





	Peter Parker's Very Bad Not Good Plan

“He can never know!”Peter said firmly.MJ sighed from the couch she was lounging on in her robe.Gwen groaned in frustration and pulled at her hair to keep herself from punching Peter.He was bleeding after all. 

“You’re such a drama queen Peter.”

“I’m having a crisis MJ!”

“And I was supposed to be having sex right now so we’re both having a bad day!”

“MJ!”Gwen cut in sternly.She was equally frustrated with Peter and his stupid, stupid ideas.If Gwen wasn’t so confident in Peter’s actual scientific abilities she would have ditched him as a lab partner ages ago.Gwen took a deep cleansing breath and refocused her gaze on Peter. “Peter, will you please explain to me why you are standing in our living room bleeding on our floor, unmasked in your Spider-Man costume.”

“Not a costume-“

“I swear if you weren’t bleeding already Parker-“ MJ started.

“Alright, Alright I get it.” Peter said with a sigh.  MJ didn't think he got it at all, he was clearly still in their apartment which he had no reason to be in at this time of day unless there was an emergency.  MJ had considered that when she saw the blood but unfortunately for all of them it seemed Peter was just this stupid and it was not caused solely by blood loss.

“If you get it then-“MJ’s phone started ringing.She frowned and looked at her phone.“-One second.Peter why is Johnny calling me?”

“I’m not here!”  Peter squeeked.  Gwen groaned as she put the pieces together.  Leave it to Peter Parker to show up with litterally glass shards hanging out of him and the only thing he is worried about is a phone call from Johnny Storm.  If she didn't regularly see him leep off of buildings Gwenn would think him a coward

“What-“

“Just answer it - but I’m not here.”Peter said dramatically as he walked back towards the wall and pressed himself against it as if he was trying to hide.MJ rolled her eyes.

“Hello?Johnny, what’s up?”MJ glanced at Gwen and Peter.Gwen mouthed that she was going to make coffee.Peter made a desperate attempt to get her to stay in the room, probably so MJ wouldn’t kill him.She simply shrugged him off leaving Peter looking at MJ with desperate eyes.She mouthed ‘you owe me’.Peter slouched in relief.MJ put the phone on speaker. 

“MJ, thank god!Have you seen Peter?Has anyone called you or anything?”MJ glanced at Peter who shook his head. 

“No I haven’t I was spending the night with Gwen, what’s up?Did he dye all your shirts again or something?”

“No.No.We were grabbing coffee and someone blew up a building and I saw it fall on Peter, he was unconscious and then the dude started attacking me and I lost track of Peter.Are you sure you don’t know anything?They’ve been excavating the building and they haven’t found him yet - MJ what do I do?What If he’s dead?”MJ looked up and glared at Peter who avoided looking at her.She glared at him until he glanced at her with eyes that said ‘what the actual fuck’. 

“Are you sure you saw him last when the building was on him?” 

“Yes, I think maybe someone rushed him to a hospital and he’s maybe a John Doe.I don’t know.But I was fighting and then Spider-Man showed up and I tried to focus on helping civilians get out and finding Peter but I don’t know where he is MJ.This is all my fault.”  Peter could hear Johnny's voice crack over the phone.  He bit his lip to stop himself from talkinng.

“It’s not, of course it’s not Johnny.He’s probably just at one of the hospitals, it might take the system a while to log him.I’ll get Gwen to keep a scanner on the hospital system and call you as soon as he shows up.”  MJ said soothingly trying to talk Johnny down.  She was switching pretty rapidly from genuine concern while speaking to Johnny to extreme anger when she looked at Peter.

“Is there anything I can do.I can’t just-“ 

“It’ll be okay Johnny deep breaths.  I'll call you as soon as I hear something.”

“Thanks MJ.Thank you.  I just...I'm gonna keep looking.”Johnny hung up.MJ took a deep breath as she put the phone down.

“Oh my goodness MJ, that was amazing!This is why everyone should have a friend who’s an actor-“  Peter smiled stepping forwards from the wall.

“PETER PARKER!You sadistic son of a bitch! What the hell does your idiot bug sized brain think it’s doing right now?”MJ seethed. “He thinks your dead!”

“Well technically he thinks I’m missing-“  Peter stopped in his tracks and fidgeted.  He was suddenly extremely glad MJ never gained or developed any super powers. 

“Peter!”

“Okay, okay.Look I know it’s bad-“MJ scoffed.“I just-“Peter ruffled his hair.“I can’t lose him MJ!”

“Well are you trying to?Because faking your own death is pretty high on the relationship deal breaker list.”Gwen walked back in and put a coffee down in front of MJ and sat by her legs with her own.

“No coffee for me?”Peter asked.

“Sociopaths don’t get coffee.”Gwen said simply as she sipped her coffee.

“Look he saw a building fall on me, normal people don’t just magically recover from that.Or dig themselves out of the rubble but no one else can attest to that except me so I think I’m cool on that one.”  Peter had started pacing.  MJ would have guessed the movement was to try to elevate the guilt he was now living with.  She sincerely hoped she wouldn't have to try and convince Peter to not change his identity.  She had half a mind to go along with any crazy plan he came up with just out of spite.

“So-“

“I need to fake a coma.”  Peter said suddenly stopping in the middle of the room.

“What?”MJ deadpanned sounding thoroughly unimpressed.

“Its the only thing that makes sense.”

“Yep this totally makes sense.”Gwen muttered mostly to herself.

“Gwen I need you to break into the hospital records then MJ dressed up as a doctor can rush me into a recovery room, we have the records hacked so it looks like all my tests are getting taken properly and then I stay there in a fake induced coma for about 5 months and then wham-o, magically wake up.”

“You’re giving up 5 months of your life just so you don’t have to tell your boyfriend who you just celebrated your one year anniversary with that your Spider-Man.”

“I mean I didn’t tell you for like 5 years MJ.”

“I don’t see how this is supposed to help your argument.”

“It’s not like I won’t be around.I’ll sneak out as Spider-Man and then when Johnny comes to visit Peter, I’ll just sneak back in and he’ll never know.”Gwen and MJ both looked unimpressed.“3 Months maybe?”

“How about no months and you tell Johnny.  Besides, you aren't in great shape right now but you look more like you got in a bike accident than had a building fall on you.”

“We can use special effects make up.  2 Months, it’s summer anyways and the crime rate is actually quite low right now.”

“Riddle me this genius,"  MJ leaned back and fixed Peter with a look hoping that some actual concrete problems they would experience because of this insane plan would help bring Peter back to reality.  Reality, where people simply told their boyfriends things instead of trying to fake a coma. "Hospital fees.”

“Obamacare.”

“Obama would not approve of this idea.”

“Well I won’t get to ask him, if you don’t let me fake a coma for a month and a half and my boyfriend finds out I haven’t told him I’m also his BFF Spider-Man who he’s been getting relationship advice from for a year and I die of a broken heart!”

“You’re such a…you know what, whatever I kinda wanna see this train-wreck happen.You get two weeks.  MAX.”  MJ said defeatedly.

“Yes!”

“You are way too excited about this Tiger.” 

______________

 

“If I go to jail for hacking the hospital system I am taking you both down with me.” Gwen grumbled.  

“Of course babe, I’d never make you go to jail alone.Think we can put Peter in max security with a bunch of people he got thrown in jail?”

“It’s only fake coma, I can still hear you guys.”Peter muttered.

“So what are you going to do when doctors want to run more tests on their new coma patient or Johnny makes a scene about your treatment and starts asking the doctors when you’ll wake up.  Because let me tell you, Johnny will believe that I suddenly got my medical licence and am overseeing your care.” 

“…This might be a bad plan.”

“Are you just realizing that?”

“Why did you let me do this?”

“You cockblocked me.”

“Gwen’s your girlfriend you guys have sex all the time!”Peter hissed back his eyes still closed.Gwen continued to ignore them and pretend she couldn’t hear them.

“Well maybe if you had a good reason for cock blocking me I wouldn’t have been so mad.”  MJ hissed back.  

“MJ is he here?”Johnny said as he came rushing in Peter laid as still as he could and tried to do his best impression of someone in a coma.“Why are you wearing a lab coat - Peter oh my God. Is he okay?What have the doctors said?I should call Reid and get him moved to our infirmary?  He can run his own scans - the doctors might be missing something.”

“They have to amputate his legs.”MJ said.Peter tried his best to not react, this was not the plan he and MJ had discussed. 

“What?”  Johnny said sounding confused.  Peter couldn't tell what face he was making right now, he was trying very hard to concentrate on being a human log.

“And the radiation treatment they’re giving him is going to make all his hair fall off, really we should just shave it now.”

“What’s the radiation treatment for?It’s okay I’ll love him even if he starts looking like Ben or something.That’s not funny actually, don’t tell Ben that - leave that part out.” 

“What are you gonna do.”

“I’m gonna have Reid pick him up.Then I’m gonna hunt Spider-Man down and kill him, this is all his fault.”

“Ah want any help.  I kinda wanna kill Spider-Man too.”  Peter bit his cheek to stop himself from saying anything back to MJ.  He really wasn't sure if he could keep this up for two weeks.  

“I mean- really?Are you really going to keep trying to lie there Pete?I can see you blinking.”  Johnny sounded annoyed and more than a touch angry.  If MJ was guessing she would say he had been hoping Peter would have stopped this stupid plan himself instead of letting it spiral. 

“You’re not going to convince him that he’s a bad actor.”  MJ answered in leu of trying to comfort him because his boyfriend was an asshole.  Insulting Peter was the best comfort she could offer Johnny right now.  

“He’s terrible he’s physically reacting to every single thing we say.He might as well be standing at this point. Peter I saw you blink can you please stop.”  Johnny sighed.  Peter felt the bed dip as Johnny sat down on it and grabbed his hand squeezing it lightly.  Despite what an idiot Peter was being, Johnny had been worried about him.  It was a relief to see him in one piece.  Peter tried to do the fake slow opening of his eyes. 

“Johnny?What’s going on, where am I?”Johnny arched his eyebrow at Peter judgementally.“You knew?”  Peter sighed defeatedly.

“Of course I knew.You’re a terrible actor. Also MJ told me.”

“I can’t believe the nerve-“Johnny cleared his throat as he crossed his arms and stared at Peter.“…She’s not really the worst person in this scenario is she?”

“In the situation of my boyfriend faked a coma and had debated trying to keep it up for 5 months, no she’s not.” 

“Surprise? Guess who’s okay?”

“Not me.”Johnny said seriously. 

“Umm…”Johnny sighed and ran his hand over his face. 

“I wasn’t even gonna…I just wanted to confirm you were - I’m glad you’re okay Peter.”  Johnny squeezed Peter's hand once more before he let it slip from his as he stood up. 

“Wait where are you going?”  Peter frowned and went to reach after Johnny but he has already moved too far away.  Johnny faced away from him and didn't look back.

“Home.I’ll call, I just need some space.” Peter watched wordlessly as Johnny walked away.  An awkward deafening silence filled the room after Johnny left.

“MJ I swear if you say I told you so-“

“I told you doesn’t even cut it close Tiger.I think you’ve got a solid 5 years of grovelling to do for this one.”Peter groaned knowing MJ was right.“Anyways we should get out of here now.As fun as this was and as much as I think you deserve whatever happens next I’d rather we don’t all go to jail for breaking into a hospital.” 

_____________________________

 

Peter was lying at home on his bed unable to fall asleep.Usually Johnny was the one leaving Peter 80 unanswered texts.Not because Peter was mad at Johnny or anything, that’s just what Johnny did.He spam texted and called all the time and Peter hadn’t heard from him since he saw him at the hospital almost 7 hours ago.Peter chewed his lip and then quickly decided he couldn’t wait anymore.Even if Johnny wouldn’t talk to Peter at least he could maybe hear Johnny out as Spider-Man and they could both complain about how shitty Peter Parker was. 

Johnny stood on the roof of the Baxter Building with a serious expression.It was probably ill-advised, they got a lot of deliveries and the helijet pad might need to be clear but Johnny decided he could quickly move if need be.Peter saw Johnny and swung over.He webbed onto the overhang that sheltered Johnny from the wind and dropped down like a spider.Usually that made Johnny smile a little but he didn’t even look over or say hello.Peter cleared his throat. 

“Pete you can stop whatever crazy plan you have going on I already know you’re Spider-Man.”Johnny said monotony sounding extremely unimpressed.He did glance over when he heard a thump and saw Peter had been shocked enough that he lost his grip on his webbing and had fallen to the floor.Johnny just stared at him. 

“WHAT?You knew?”Peter asked switching to a sitting position..Johnny sighed and crouched down in front of Peter and looked into the eyes of the familiar masked figure. 

“Yep.”

“How long?”

“Long enough.”Johnny shrugged.“I mean. I kinda had my theories but they seemed crazy, I mean I liked to think I knew my boyfriend of one year well enough.But I only knew for sure today after I saw you were okay after a building fell on you.”Peter couldn’t think of anything to say to that.“You didn’t tell me.”Johnny whispered. 

“I mean, you have powers Johnny and you know me you get it, right?”

“Spider-Man not telling me?I got that, I always got that.You not telling me, that’s new.”

“It’s the same thing. We’re the same person Johnny.”

“It doesn’t feel the same.”Johnny shook his head.“I trusted both of you - I loved both of you, but…but I just didn’t expect Peter Parker to lie to me.”

“I’m sorry.”Peter said not sure what else to say.

“I mean if I’m honest I did kind of expect some crazy scheme if you did get caught in a lie.That did seem very Peter Parker.”

“I’m…excuse me?”

“I mean its as possibly the worst plan I’ve ever seen.I mean a coma, really?What were you gonna do?In what world did that plan work?”

“In a panicked, Johnny’s gonna hate me world?”Johnny stared at him and sighed.He completely lowered himself to the ground and leaned against the concrete ledge. 

“So let me get this straight. You didn’t want me to hate you, because you thought I would be mad you didn’t tell me you were Spider-Man.”

“Which you were.”Peter muttered.Johnny ignored him.

“So your solution was to lie to me, possibly for 5 months by pretending to be braindead because a building fell on you and I hadn’t managed to save you.”

“What?No the building was just the building falling on me.Normal people don’t climb out of tonnes of rubble, so I just…got creative with my explanation.”

“But you had to know I’d blame myself for your injuries and possible death for five months, right?”

“What?Why?  You didn’t knock the building over.”

“Oh my god I’m dating an idiot.Pete, of course I’d blame myself.I was right there.What would you do if you were in that situation?”Peter was about to argue but when he actually thought about it, for possibly the first time he realized what he had almost done. 

“Oh.”Peter sighed and pulled his mask off.Johnny looked at him his face a little tense. This was the official confirmation, that was definitely Peter.Messy mask hair, dark circles from exhaustion and a few still unhealed cuts.That was definitely Johnny’s idiot.

“Oh?”

“I’d blame myself too.”Peter fiddled with the mask in his hands.“I am sorry. Really sorry. And I mean it, I really really do.” Johnny smiled softly at Peter.

“I know.”Johnny motioned slightly and pulled Peter closer and into a hug.“I’m glad you’re okay Pete. Even if you’re a massive, massive asshole and idiot.”

“So, ah, not that I have any real problem with any very, very justified passive aggressiveness, but how long exactly do you think you’re gonna hold this over my head?”Johnny looked down at Peter who glanced up.Johnny beamed at Peter.

“The rest of your life.”Even if Peter was a little put out by Johny’s willingness to hold a grudge, he couldn’t help but smile back in response. 

"Good, that sounds good.  I look forward to grovelling...you know, for the rest of your life."  Johnny smiled and ran his hand through Peter's hair.

"God you really are such an idiot Pete."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this wee one-shot. I had it sitting in my drafts folder and I thought I would clean it up a bit and finish it. Hope everyone's having a good week, thanks for reading and commenting if you do!
> 
> I just did a quick edit so as per usual sorry for any really annoying error's et cetera


End file.
